So the worst and dumbest thing I could have ever done I did. No need to be explicit about the situation because the damage has been done. What I don't understand is the reason why I did it. Honestly, I believe there is some little mean bad Melissa that lives in me and trying to sabotage everything I work so hard to have, and for what? I presume to keep me alone. I hate to say this but relationships really change you. Gene defiantly changed me. Three years ago I would have never done such a thing, I would feel guilty just having it cross my mind, but because of the amount of disappointment I have faced I have inevitably become a disappointment to someone whom I truly care about. Someone I respect and admire, someone who in a span of a few months has figured me out enough and still decided to stick around for the ride. Yet with all that, I still feel numb sometimes and not trusting in what we have because I have been fooled before in believing in a person. So I guess in some ways I tried to bet him to the punch by being a disappointment first before he got a chance to do it me. Was this my thought process? not at the time, I wasn't thinking! may be if I was I wouldn't be where I am now. I feel like shit really. I know this will forever be a chapter in our book that will never, never have an ending and why? because.....of disappointment
No comments:
Post a Comment