Shadows

It is day 8 of my 40 days of prayer. I rather not go into detail as to what that entails because me writing this is not a testament to devoting yourself to 40 days of prayer. What I will say is that, devoting yourself to such a convenient with God leaves you vulnerable. To what you ask? bad energy that trys every day to knock you off your block, so the 40 days are less like a peaceful walk down the shore of a beach, and more like trying to find your way deep in the forest. Every detour feels like a step back, you feel like your circling the same patch of grass every single day and when you think you see a glimpse of light, you are reminded that it is midnight and light you thought you saw was probably your mind pleading with your hearts desire to have at least a glimpse of hope amongst the darkness. What I do not understand is while I have a desire in my heart to pray, to expand my vision, to trust in God that he will provide for those I have in my prayers and me during this very sensitive time in my life, I find my self becoming in patient. I presume this is testament to my life. I am inpatient person, I need to see that whatever it is that I am doing is working right when I start it or else I feel like it is not.

Of coarse God does not work in this fashion. He has a plan and a divine order to how things should play out and I know that it is in my best interest that I have patience and confidence in the power of God. Pastor made reference to this when he read a scripture that explains that God has to work through man kind, it is not that he is purposely trying to have us wait for the sake of waiting, but because he has to move others in way that will, in result, open doors and blessings for us. This is how my God blesses me. I know this, but I am human and I am trying so sometimes I retreat back to my old ways of thinking. These are the times I must pray more diligently for God's hand to guide me through this time, for his presence to be known in myself and for my heart to be restored.

I constantly feel as if the work I am doing is not enough, and I can assume that it is not. That’s God speaking to me telling me to stop sitting around waiting him to just through things in my lap. Everything must be earned and I know meeting him half way will be more of blessing for me in the long run than him just giving me everything I ask for.

Little tidbits of wisdom, mostly to myself.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

-MeMe