Hello Morning

This morning was rough. I woke up late from staying up until almost 4am the night before. Studying you ask? well not really. Partying? that would have been nice, but no. How about watching an HBO movie? hmm done it once but not last night. Last night I was up until 4am trying to understand another human being. Then, after all of that I wake up this morning late for work and exhausted. Dragging through every mundane activity that being up at 7am brings. Thankfully I at least got into my car and on my way but before I left I prayed. Dear God! something’s got to give! SOMETHING’S GOT TO GIVE HERE

To give you some insight. I believe we are all spirits in the form of a body sent here to learn and become closer to God everyone has a great work to do, everyone has a lesson to learn, everyone is seeking God trying to understand who we are in him. We are so lost as a human race that we can not even see who we really are, what are purpose is for existence and it hurts me sometimes.

After I made that prayer to God asking him for guidance asking him what is it that he is wanting to see? and Why it is so hard to have people experience the God I feel exists in soul the feeling that goes beyond the bible beyond the doctrines beyond laws beyond the rules and regulations of the church and religion. I sealed my prayer and started an 8 minute drive to work. On the drive I listened on my audio book to Joel Osteen speaking about sewing a seed, being a blessing. He taught that when you’re feeling upset or hurt or like the world around you is falling apart, take your attention off yourself and try and sew a seed in someone else. Very helpful don't you think...so here comes the test.

Some of you may be familiar with face book honesty box feature, but for those that are not I will example to you the feature then the incident. First Face book is social networking utility used by many of people in my generation which is between 18 to 25. The honesty box is a feature that was added about two years ago that allows you to write someone an anonymous message. It is really that simple. So if you ever felt like telling someone you had a crush on them or if you think their ugly or your in love with them etc. you could send it to them and they would never know who it was. Pretty cool right? Not right! This application just allowing very angry people, myself included, to send out messages to say all the those people that ever crossed us, giving them a piece of our mind. It was quiet convenient. However, after about 6 months people stopped using it, I mean it is pretty lame and it got old fast.

Now I am not sure what compelled me to look at my emails while driving this morning because I never do that, normally I am eating oatmeal while driving but like I said I was late. Yet this morning I looked through my message and long behold I receive an Honest box message. The note was not complete in my Gmail thus requiring me to log into face book find the application and read the message. Now, like I said before HB messages are about 98% always going to be directed at you, but this one wasn't. It was a mass message ( I could tell that it wasn’t just sent to me) destroying the character of someone I knew quiet well.
I pulled into work, again looking up to God asking why? What is this? But I remembered what I had just learned and instead of reacting with retaliation I wrote the individual about the God I know. I told them I could not understand why their spirit was so broken that they felt compelled to do such a thing, that I would pray that the find God's light and love and stop being a tool for bad spirits to use for destruction. I asked them to pray that God reveals to them how powerful words are, and how what they were doing was using a gift from God that has great power to potentially destroying another human beings spirit.

Thus, bringing me why I am even writing this because this is the overall struggle that I have been dealing since my freshman year. In the beginning I was told that the my beliefs in a loving God whom I do not believe in the depths of soul wants us to waste our lives condemning others or passing judgment, or even telling others what God approves of and does not approve of was because my studies on the faith were limited. Understandable. So at 19 I started studying, stoped and then started again at 21. However, through my studying, and reading, and praying for understanding, peace, knowledge, and for his face and his will and message to me be known to me has not changed. The faith I have in the depths of my soul has not changed, in fact it is stronger because "the word" many tried to use to dispel this understanding I have only made it stronger.

I implore people to who may disagree greatly and believe God is judging what has been created out of him and in the end only will admit a particular bunch (interesting how everyone thinks they are “that particular bunch) to look to young children like mattie jt stepanek that are suffering so much physically but has god in them, a god that was not created out of religion or doctrine or rules or laws but a God that lives within him. His view on life, purpose, love and God is so pure powerful and if more people saw that they too would see that it is profitless to consuming ourselves WWJD as it relates to gays, or Muslims, or a particular sect of Christianity, rapist, murders, or people who just make bad decisions, sinners and those that condemn sinners. What is important is that we have been given the gift of life, God is in us wanting us to see that we are pieces of him made to share this with the world out of love not fear.

Everyone at the end of the day has a choice to make, this is what I believe God has been trying to tell me all along. That everyone has a purpose and a particular lesson that he has placed on our hearts to work towards and no one can take that away from us. All we have is a seed God has given us to plant and we will ultimately reap what we saw. If I plant a seed of fear I will grow fear if I plant a seed of hate I will produce hate if I plant a seed of condemning or unrightfully judging another image of god (a person) I will reap people unrightfully judging and condemning me. It is that simple, it really is I think.

I charge anyone that comes across this to at least think about that. Ask yourself what am I planting today? and understanding that this seed grows not only all around us and for our benefit but to show to the world that God is real, and like me loves you. I know it sounds a little far fetched to some, and I know that those that believe God would rather us spend our days on earth stoning people at the stack with our words and condemnation of their existence in attempt to bring them to God are working in his will. But why? how much sense does it make to stone people knowing that one day you too will be stoned? and in the end no one will see God. No one will seek the understanding of and image of God.

This is what God compelled me to write today.

Mattie's poem When I die ( part II)

When I die, I want to be A child in Heaven.
I want to be A ten-year-old cherub.
I want to be A hero in Heaven,

And a peacemaker,

Just like my goal on earth.

I will ask God if I can Help the people in purgatory.

I will help them think,

About their life,

About their spirits,

About their future.

I will help them Hear their own Heartsongs again,

So they can finally See the face of God,

So soon.

When I die,

I want to be,

Just like I want to be

Here on earth.